The Worst Announcements Ever

By Dave Marsh
Contributor
February 07, 2011

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Read more from Dave Marsh
A drama about the perils of perfectionism

Director's Notes:
I am a perfectionist. When it comes down to it, if the service doesn't run exactly how I have pictured it, I get discouraged. The striving for perfectionism in the church is not a good thing. What God really wants are people who are available to be used. Sure, we should do everything we can to serve the Lord with excellence but we have to realize that the Holy Spirit is the one who moves hearts and turns them toward God. A perfect service will not do that.

We need to continue to pray that God will bless our efforts to help people understand the saving grace of Jesus and that perfectionism is not a demand he has put upon us.

This strange drama happens in the announcement slot for the service. There is another person with a microphone backstage or in the back of the church "guiding" him through it. (Everyone should hear this) It would be best if the drama happened right before the message so the pastor can reference it immediately as how we are NOT supposed to do ministry...

Cast:
Dave: A man doing the morning announcements badly
Karl: A person OFF STAGE talking into his ear as he's doing the announcements

Props:
A bible

Setting:
Announcements
(

LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE)
(Dave comes walking up to do the morning announcements)

Dave: Hi, I’m Dave Marsh and Pastor Ray wanted me to introduce today’s topic as well as read a bit of scripture. The topic is how we shouldn’t be so worried about doing perfect ministry but rather just be available to be used by God and do our best with the abilities He’s given us. Now the scripture is Coloss…

Karl: Stop. C’mon, that’s horrible. (Dave hangs his head)

Karl: Okay, let’s start over and hopefully no one will notice. (Dave nods)

Karl: C’mon. Slowly walk off the stage. (Dave starts walking off)

Karl: A little faster, we’re losing them. (Dave hurries to the back)

Karl: Okay, deep breath. Let’s go. (Dave takes a huge breath and starts walking stiffly)

Karl: Too Stiff. Lossen up. (He loosens up a bit)

Karl: A little more. (Dave is practically strutting)

Karl: Not that much. (Dave corrects himself)

Karl: Now look around casually at the good folks. Be friendly. Hey, there’s that woman from Sunday School (Dave waves)

Karl: There’s Vicki Carter in the first row. (Dave goes to shake her hand)

Karl: No, don’t shake hands. What’s wrong with you? (Dave pulls his hand back but accidently leaves his Bible next to her)

Karl: Get up there. Go go go go go (Dave sprints to the podium)

Karl: Position yourself. A little to the left. (Dave moves to his right)

Karl: No, your left. A little more. A little more. Okay. (Dave inches his way over)

Karl: Now, welcome the nice people. (Dave has a stupid grin on his face)

Dave: Welcome.

Karl: Okay. Now, say your name.

Dave: Your name.

Karl: No, no no. Say YOUR name.

Dave: Dave Marsh

Karl: (Sigh) Yes. Yes. Now string it together.

Dave: Welcome. My name is Dave Marsh.

Karl: Okay. Good. Now introduce the topic.

Dave: Pastor Ray wanted me to…

Karl: No! Too slow! John Cuthbert in row 5 is falling asleep! Speed it up!

Dave: (reading super fast) Pastor Ray wanted me to introduce today’s topic as well as read a bit of scripture. The topic is how we shouldn’t be so worried about doing perfect ministry but rather just be available to be used by God and do our best with the abilities He’s given us.”

Karl: (sarcastic) Oh yeah, that was just wonderful.

Dave: Sorry.

Karl: Don’t apologize.

Dave: Sorry. (Clamps a hand over his mouth)

Karl: Do it again but slower.

Dave: Pastor Ray wanted me to introduce today’s topic as well as read a bit of scripture. The topic is how we shouldn’t be so worried about doing perfect ministry but rather just be available to be used by God and do our best with the abilities He’s given us.

Karl: (Sigh.) Okay. It was better in practice. (Dave shrugs his shoulders)

Karl: Now read the scripture. Wait... Zipper. (Dave turns around and pretends to zip up his fly)

Karl: Okay. Where’s the Bible? Where’s the good book? (Dave has a panicked look on his face)

Karl: Go get it. It’s in the front row! Go go go! (Dave sprints off the stage to snatch his Bible back)

Karl: Okay. Go back up. Hurry! (Dave runs back up)

Karl: Take a deep breath. (Dave takes a deep breath)

Karl: Concentrate. (Dave gets a very strained look in his face)

Karl: I said Concentrate, not constipate. (Dave loosens up)

Karl: Look happy. (Dave gets a really stupid grin on his face)

Karl: Happy, not looney. (Dave relaxes his smile)

Karl: Okay, read it.

Dave: Colossians 3:23,24 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Karl: Good. (Dave smiles and wipes his forehead)

Karl: Now go go go! (Dave runs off the stage)

LIGHTS OUT FAST

END

(c) 2002 Dave Marsh and Karl Roelofs












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