Ray has been speaking from the book of Ephesians and in Ephesians 4, Paul talks about how we need to stop lying to each other and speak the truth. He then goes on to talk about anger and stealing and finally bad language. I decided that this was too much to tackle in one drama so I settled on bad language.
Now, tell me that as you read this, you don't see yourself behind the wheel. C'mon, I dare ya!
BTW, I recorded this again pretending that I'm merely thinking these things (except for the parts where I sing at the beginning, talk to the drive thru speaker, and yell at the lady on the road...) You don't need to record this but it's effective if you can do it...
Dave: A normal Joe
Drive thru person: (Off stage or on tape)
Eric: Greeter at church
(LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE where Dave is driving his car.)
Dave: (singing) "Here comes the sun, da da da da, here comes the sun and I say itís all right ..." man, what an unbelievable day. I mean, who could ask for a more perfect morning? I mean, look at me? Iím all dressed up for church, Iím driving a cool car, Iíve got a new haircut? Whatís not to love? Yeah, I look pretty cool this fine morning. Not a care in the world. Nope. Not me. Itís an unbelievable day!
Dave: (Looks at watch) Okay, letís see, itís 10:00. Church doesnít start until 10:30. Iíve got plenty of time. You know what Iím thinkin? Iím thinkiní McMuffin. Yep, but not any McMuffin. Iím thinkiní sausage McMuffin. (homer) ooooooh, sausage McMuffin. (wipes drool from his face). Okay, McDonalds it is.
Dave: (pulls into drive thru) "Hello? Hello? Anyone there? Hello?" (incoherent voice) "What? Are you talking to me?" (incoherent voice) "Whatever. Can I get a sausage McMuffin?" (incoherent voice) "A SAUSAGE MCMUFFIN!" (incoherent voice) "yes, and a black coffee.... Hello? Did you get that?" (incoherent voice) "Iím pulling forward now. Here I go..." (incoherent voice)
Dave: Where do they find these people? I mean, when I worked at Burger King as a kid I took my job seriously. I wore my BK crown with pride! I allowed people from all walks of life to have it their way. Iíd hold the pickles and the lettuce... yeah, those were the days of real fast food. And speaking of? Whatís the hold up? How can they call this fast? Thereís only one other car? Whatís the problem? What are they ordering? What could be taking so long? I just ordered one lousy sausage McMuffin. If I had only gotten here 2 minutes earlier, I would have been on my way. But now Iím sitting behind this minivan. I think there are 8 people in there! They must be ordering everything on the menu! Iím doomed!!!!!!!!
Dave: Finally. (looks in drive thru window) Hello? Hello? Thereís like 10 people in there just standing around. Couldnít one of them get my sausage McMuffin? What a bunch of slackers! Címon. Donít make me honk my horn here folks. Ooops, here she comes. Finally.
Dave: "Hi." (gives her the money and gets his food) Well, excuse me. How about 'sorry for the wait' or 'Thatís a nice haircut' or something. Alright. Itís over. After all, I now have my lovely sausage McMuffin. (takes a bite). Wha? Whereís the sausage? How hard can it be to mess up a stupid McMuffin? Iím gonna go back in there and give them a piece of my mi... oh man, itís 10:20 already? Grrrr. Unbelievable...
Dave: Okay, settle down my man. Not that big of a deal. Letís just get going. Man, 29 is getting bad and the drivers are getting worse. Look at that guy. He just went through a red light. It must have been red for 10 seconds! Where are the cops in this town? That guy should be in jail. Yep, headin for the big house. Yeah.
Dave: Whoa! Aw man, that would be my coffee in my lap! I canít believe this! Where did she learn how to drive? Arggh. Okay, letís see who she is? "Hey, learn the rules of the road would ya, you loser!" She shouldnít be driving? Where are the cops in this town? She should be in jail is where she should be. Man. Unbelievable. (looks at watch) Oh great, Iíve got 2 minutes. This is just great. Better haul.
Dave: (Drives crazy) Look out. Watch it. Comin thru. Okay, turn. Yep, that was still yellow. No doubt about it. Okay, where's a place to park? What, are they gonna make me park out in the field? Who owns that white van? Theyíre there every Sunday. Some people. (gets out of the car) (Dave is greeted by Eric, a greeter).
Eric: Good morning sir. Itís an unbelievable day isnít it?
Dave: (kinda sarcastic) Absolutely brother, you can say that again... (they walk off the stage)
(c) 2000 Dave Marsh