Director's Notes: I tend to shy away from writing stuff that comes across to schmaltzy. So, when I wrote this Christmas drama I drew inspiration from the wonderful film "A Christmas Story." I thought it was funny how the kids just went nuts opening presents. Unfortunately, this is all to true in real life as we forget the real meaning of this holy day...
A couch or two chairs put together
A bunch of wrapped presents for the kids (doesn't matter what)
1 wrapped 'one-size-fits-all nightgown'
1 wrapped horrible-looking tie
An empty glass of milk and some cookie pieces
Christmas tree (if available)
A family room (LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE where the kids come running in in their pajamas, running toward the Christmas tree and being shaking the presents.)
Kids: This is mine. Hey, this one looks like mine. I bet this one is mine. Hey, thatís mine.
(In walks Mom and Dad. They are very tired and they drag themselves to where the kids areÖ)
Dad: Okay, okay, címon now, settle down.
Mom: What time is it anyway?
Dad: (looks at watch). Itís, um, 11:30.
Dad: Yeah, itís 11:30. No, wait, my watch is on upside down. Itís 5:00am! Back to bed everyone!
Kids: No. come on. Canít we open the presents now. Itís Christmas after all. Donít be a grinch, etc...
Mom: (To Dad) Bah humbug! It is Christmas after all.
Dad: (softly) I want you to know, I never did this as a kid. I was courteous and kind and let my parents wake me up.
Mom: You lived on a farm dear. They were up at 4:00am.
Dad: Doesnít matter. I just wanted to let you know that.
Mom: You tell me every year dear.
Dad: I know. Itís a tradition.
Kids: Look! Santa ate the cookies we put out! And drank all 5 glasses of milk! Hope he doesnít explode!
Dad: (holding stomach) I hope so too. (Mom elbows him).
Kids: Can we open presents now? Can we? Can we?
Mom: Yes, yes. Bring them over here and letís sort them.
Dad: Yeah, Iíll just sit over here and recover. (Mom glares at him)
(They sort the presents. The kids start ripping into them and exclaiming what they got.)
Mom: Justin, wait, you, um, Mallory, you should, why donít you just waitÖ
Mom: No, look, Justin why donít you let DadÖMallory you should, watch out, Iíll open that, look JustinÖ
Dad: They donít hear you. This is what Christmas does to little kids. Why donít you open my gifts to you?
Mom: Okay. Which one should I open first?
Dad: How about that one?
Mom: Okay. Oh, Iím so excited! Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit? (opens it up). Ahhhhh, itís a one size fits all nightgown!
Dad: I knew youíd like it. Try it on!
Mom: Oh, Iíll do it laterÖ
Dad: Címon try it on. (she tries it on and itís huge and hideous)
Dad: Knew you would. Yep, this is what Christmas is all about.
Mallory: I thought it was all about Jesus Dad.
Dad: Oh, yeah, Him too.
Mom: Itís your turn. How about that one?
Dad: That one it is! (Kids start running out)
Dad: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you two are going?
Justin: Oh, weíre going to play with those happy meal toys from McDonalds. (they run off)
Dad: (Stares at Mom and then at the gifts) These are your kids you know. My kids would never do this.
Mom: Whatever you say dear. Now open your present.
Dad: Okay. Letís see. I wonder what you got me. Not too heavy. Letís see, itísÖaÖtie.
Mom: Do you like it?
Dad: Do I like it? Does the sun rise in the west?
Mom: The sun rises in the east dear.
Dad: Does the sun rise in the east? Of course I like it. Thanks honey.
Mom: Well Iím glad you like it.
Dad: I tell you what. Why donít we open the rest of these later and get a little shut eye.
Mom: Sure, let me just clean up a little. (Dad starts now to doze off)
Mom: (cleaning up paper, not looking at Dad) What do you think of what Mallory said about Jesus? I mean, I didnít teach her that. I donít think I did at least. Itís like, every year we build this day up and when it finally gets here, it seems like itís over in a few minutes. Maybe if we went to church or sang carols or maybe if we read the Christmas story or maybeÖ (looks back at Dad who is sound asleep.)
Mom: Yeah, maybe. Merry ChristmasÖ
(c) 1998 Dave Marsh