please read what I've been through
What's happening? Hello, I'm glad I found this forum. I feel I should share with everyone what is going on in my marriage right now and perhaps I can gain a better understanding through mature Christians about my marriage, self, and husband.
Me and my husband have been married for 3 years and 7 months now...and have been physically separated for almost 4 months. We have a 2 year old and I just gave birth to our 2nd child at the end of July '07. Myh usband seemed to be a firm believer of God but seemed to also "straddle the fence" and wasn't and still is not walking in line with the Word. He says he has a calling to be a Pastor and is a Prophet. Then why is this happening:
In March my husband was involved in a shooting that claimed a young man's life. My husband shot back in self-defense and was really affected that he killed the young man but didn't know he did 'till later on. So we all end up staying at his brother's house in a near-by city b/c he felt it was unsafe for us to be there. At first he was with me and my son at his brother's hosue sleeping with us, then he started sleeping over his sister's house (about a mile away) b/c he didn't want to stay there b/c he felt his brother's wife did not keep the house up. Then gradually he started only sleeping with us like 2-3 times a week...claiming to be over at his sister's house sleeping. We were still paying bills at the otherhouse and when the lights went out, he decided to stay there to guard our belongings and the house.
I had suspicions that through all this he was having an affair. I asked God to reveal it to me and confirm it. He did. I admitted myself to the hospital to get checked out and the doctor gave me a pelvic exam and told me I had an infection, and that it was an STD. So FOR SURE Iknow I didn't give it to myself and the only person I have contracted it from was myhusband. I was so devasted how he claims to be holy and goes outside of our marriage and passes on an STD to me and our unborn child. I call him and he tells me to get out of "his" (at this time we are back at our house but he's staying elsewhere syaing it isn't safe for him to be there) house. So basically he kicks me out (I'm 6.5 months pregnant at the time) and of course I take our almost 2 year old with me.
We end up staying with a friend from church for 2 weeks, during those 2 weeks he didn't try to contact me or wasn't even concerned if I had money or food, diapers, etc. Then when he did contact me he told me to call his mom so we could stay with her...basically he didn't want anymore repsonsibilities.
Before that he would be so critical of me, making me feel bad and guilty for things that I shouldn't even be feeling guilty about. It was b/c of his own guilt that he was treating me bad. I remember he was driving me to work and he told me that it burns his soul when people lie. (When he was doing the lying all along) Cuz he thought I was lying about going places (when he was). Then I tell him that I married him b/c I believe he is a good guy and he says "I am" and then comes back with "I though you were a good girl but I learned other wise." He was transferring all his guilt on me and just basically abdoned and rejected me and the kids and I say the kids b/c he doesn't call toknow how they are doing. He didn't even call me when I gave birth to our 2nd child.
Over the next weeks/months me and the kids relocated to be with family. I try to talk to him about us working it out and he tells me we are not getting back together and that it's over. I keep asking him why. And he says I just don't want to be married I don't have to have areason to not want to be married. He was always pushing me and demanding me to go ahead and file for divorce. So next time I spoke to him I asked him if he wants it so bad then why won't he file and he says that I can do more in the state I'm in than the state he's in b/c we got married in the state I'm in now. (which is another lie)
I spoke to him very recently asking again and that it's not all about him, he has a family--a wife and kids. Then he confessed that he already has a girlfriend and she is living in the house with him that's why he wants a divorce. Then he told me I don't know why you're waiting on me...you need to find yourself a job and a place to stay. And I say you're just going to leave your family for "her" ? He couldn't say anything.
I am praying for him and that woman...(believe me not easy, I was so angry and still am)
What is happening here?
Is this marriage even save-able? (is that a word?)
Will God put this marriage back together?
I told him I'm not filing and since this is what he wants, and that he's the one that rejected and abandoned his family, and decided to go outside the marriage and give me and our unborn child at the time an STD that he will have to do it.
In the meantime I'm doing what I have to do as a mother to provide for these children.
What should I do?
Please pray for God to honor my marriage and restore it...please pray for my husband's salvation and that the Holy Spirit won't stop chastening him and will convict him...