Drama by Dave Marsh October 01, 2009

Cast:

Dave: The husband

Beth: The wife

Props:

A remote

2 chairs (or couch)

Tiny wadded up pieces of paper

A small ball

Graphics from the shows mentioned (to show as slides) (If available)

Setting:

Family Room

(LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE)

(Dave is dragging his wife (laden with a laundry basket) up to the stage...)

Dave: Come on. Come on. This is gonna be fun, I promise.

Beth: Is this another one of those ridiculous games you make up?

Dave: What do you mean ridiculous?

Beth: Hello?!? You know, like that coasters game where we try to toss the coasters like Frisbees and see who can get it closest to the patio door.

Dave: Well...

Beth: Or Paper-wad Golf where we throw a taped up ball of paper around the house where every lamp shade is a hole.

Dave: Um...

Beth: Or that ludicrous game where we bounce balls from the living room couch into the kitchen in hopes of landing it into the sink.

Dave: Sink Ball.

Beth: Right. Sink Ball. Stupid.

Dave: Okay, okay. So those were stupid ideas but I've got a really cool new one!

Beth: I can hardly wait.

Dave: It's a game about love.

Beth: Love? Seriously? (showing a bit of interest)

Dave: Yeah, it's called Next 5. I created it myself. It helps us understand and love each other better.

Beth: (looks at him with suspicion) What have you done with my husband? You look like him but don't sound like him.

Dave: Seriously, I thought this would be cool.

Beth: Ok. I'm game. How do you play?

Dave: Great. (pulls her down on the couch) Here's what you do. You choose a category with a question about love or our relationship and then you use the remote and flip the channel 5 times. You must then choose what is on one of the channels to answer the question. But be careful not to choose the first one or you might miss out on something better. On the other hand, if you wait, you might get stuck with the last channel. Got it?

Beth: Sounds easy.

Dave: Okay. I've jotted down a bunch of questions (pulls a ton of crumpled up little pieces of paper out of his pocket and throws them on the coffee table.) Okay, choose one.

Beth: All right. (chooses one.)

Dave: Read it.

Beth: "Find a T.V. show that exemplifies love."

Dave: All right. Great. Who wants to go first.

Beth: Why don't you show me how it's done?

Dave: Okay. Here we go. (points remote at the T.V.) Okay, let's see. My Three Sons. Um, nah. Uh, Different Strokes, hmmm. No.

Beth: That's two already.

Dave: I know, I know. Well, number 3 is an infomercial. That doesn't count. (Points at the TV)

Beth: What do you mean? Just cause it's an infomercial? You always change the rules in these games.

Dave: Well, I doubt that Propelle Guy and his rotating chicken has anything to do with love. I mean... (looks at her stern face)... fine. That's 3. Um, okay, here we go. Love Boat. Whew! I choose that.

Beth: You chose Love Boat over My Three Sons?

Dave: Oh yeah. I mean, every episode people are finding love on the boat. You know, Adrianne Barbou and Charles Nelson Reilly or Charro and Scott Baio. I mean, they showed us what love really is.

Beth: You're joking right? That wasn't love. That was infatuation. Did you ever hear about any of those people having a long-term relationship? I don't think so. I think Charro was on that show like 30 times. That's not love.

Dave: Okay. Okay. Well, why don't you just show me what is, Dr. Joyce.

Beth: Okay. Give me that. (she goes to her first channel.) Okay, there. The Andy Griffith Show.

Dave: You don't have to take the first show.

Beth: I know that. Doesn't matter. This is the show I want.

Dave: What in the world does Andy Griffith have to do with exemplifying love?

Beth: You're kidding right? (starts counting on her fingers.) First there was how Andy loved Opie. He always went out of his way to listen to him and talk to him about his problems and when Andy was wrong about something, he admitted it. Second, there's Aunt B. He was always careful not to hurt her feelings and came up with ways to make her feel good about herself. And last, but not least, he loved Barney. Barney was always messing up and Andy was tolerant, patient and always wanted the best for him.

Dave: Fine! Beth 1 and Dave zero.!

Beth: It's not a competition dear...

Dave: (yelling) Everything is a competition now here's the next category. (settles down). "Find someone on T.V. that you wish your spouse was more like." Okay, who goes first?

Beth: My turn remember?

Dave: (grits teeth) Fine.

Beth: Okay, let's see. Well, there's Richard Gere.

Dave: (getting mad) Fine. You want me to be like Richard Gere?

Beth: Settle down there. I'm not done. I don't choose him. Let's see, there's Ted Turner. Hmmm. Nah. That's 2. Um, there's Mel Gibson... nah, not my type. Oh, here we go. Dino.

Dave: You mean from the Flintstones?

Beth: Yeah. I know it sounds weird but Dino has great qualities. He's a faithful friend – always sticking by Fred. He's happy to see him every time he comes home. He really has a heart of gold.

Dave: Ok, ok. Whatever. My turn. Let's see. Um, there's Mother Theresa. Nah. Too nice. Hmmm, there's Nancy Reagan.. don't think so... There's Oprah... hmmm. Oh, there you go – Anna Nicole Smith!

Beth: Anna Nicole Smith, huh?

Dave: Yeah. Anna Nicole Smith.

Beth: You turned down Mother Theresa, Nancy Reagan and Oprah so I could be more like Anna Nicole Smith, huh?

Dave: Um,.... yeah...I guess.

Beth: (rolls her eyes and picks up the laundry basket and leaves) Brilliant game, Dave.

Dave: (shouts after her) Hey, come on. Come back. I'll do it again. Beth? (pulls a ball out of his pocket) How about a game of Sink Ball?

(LIGHTS OUT FAST)

END

© 2003 Dave Marsh

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