Cast:
Brett Thurston: A soap opera actor
Jessie Nolan: A soap opera actress
Announcer
Stagehands (2)

Props:
A powerpoint show (I'll post this asap)
A CD with uplifting, award-show music
A podium or music stand
An award
A folded list

Setting:
The 17th Annual Soap Opera Digest Awards
(LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE, CD is playing fun music)

Ann’cer: Welcome back to the 17th Annual Soap Opera Digest Awards. You know her as the conniving, evil twin who came back from the dead. Please put your hands together and welcome from Days of Our Lives, Jessie Nolan!

Jessie: (Jessie enters to applause) Thank you. This year, the voting committee at Soap Opera Digest decided to create a new category: Best Humanitarian Entertainer. This award recognizes the one actor or actress who exemplified the virtues that we all hold so dear, outside of the set. Virtues such as compassion, courage, kindness, and goodness. All the things that the soaps you know and love are all about. The four nominees are.

Jessie: Trent Lockwood – One Life to Live
Jennifer Kelly – All My Children
Brett Thurston – Bold and the Beautiful
Janet Mills – As the World Turns

And the Soapy goes to….. (opens the envelope)…this is all so exciting... Brett Thurston – Bold and the Beautiful!!!

Brett: (Music plays again as Brett jumps out of his seat and hugs his wife. He then goes up to the stage and hugs Jessie and takes the trophy) Oh, wow. Oh my gosh. This is soooo great. Whooo! This is unbelievable. Wow. (settles down a little)

Brett: Well, this is a great trophy and a real honor to win this award. I have to say that as I look at the other nominees, they are all great actors and humanitarians but perhaps I’m just a little more human huh? Haha.

Brett: But seriously, I’m deeply honored and thankful for this award. I guess I should thank a few people. Well, one actually. I’d like to thank myself for all the good things I’ve done. There are sooo many that I brought a small list so that I might mention a few. (Pulls out a list – you should only show 1 page and then open up the other 10 that are folded there later)

Brett: First, there was the time that I helped poor Mrs. Gray down the stairs so she could get her mail. Next, there’s those cute little kids at the park that I bought ice cream for and helped them find their dog Fluffy. Next, there’s the large donation I made to the Foundation for vertically challenged little people of the South Pacific. (starts to get weepy) Excuse me, but this is all so emotional. (pulls out a hanky)

Brett: Thank you. Next, there was the baby I delivered in a phone booth amidst a gang war. Next, there’s testifying against Jimmy “The Hitman” Malone. There was also the time where I (starts to weep) stopped that shoplifter from stealing costume jewelry from J.C. Penny. That, that was really something… There was also (start playing music off the CD to get him offstage)

Brett: What? I can’t be done yet. I just started my list! (Unfolds the list so it falls all the way down to the ground.) There was the time I donated time to visiting the sick dogs and cats at Hollywood Animal Hospital. And there’s the time when I ...

Brett: (stagehands start coming in)… gave $10 to the Salvation Army outside of Kmart. (stagehands pick him up and start carrying him off) And how about the time I called my Mom just to tell her that I loved her? How about that huh? Isn’t that something? I mean, (pointing to self) WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?!?! ARGH!!

Jessie: (Goes back to the podium and picks up the trophy) Unfortunately, Brett is no longer with us so I gladly accept the trophy for him. Thank you.

LIGHTS OUT FAST

END

(c) 2001 Dave Marsh