Cast: Emily: A mom at home, watching soaps and ignoring her daughter.
April: Emily's daughter

Props: A couch or two chairs put together
A remote

Setting: A family room
(Setting: Emily and Aprils house.)

(LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE on Emily who is intently watching her soap opera – handkerchiefs in hand. We can hear the soap opera playing LOW in the background. April enters from STAGE LEFT, with her backpack, as she has just come from UVA.)

Emily: (Sitting on couch, talking to TV) Oh Bo, when are you going to realize that Billy is lying to you? It’s Hope that you should be with and not her or her evil twin who has amnesia…

April: (Enters room) Hi mom, I’m home.

Emily: (without taking eyes off the TV) Oh, hi Honey, how was school?

April: (sits down in chair by couch) Awful. You are not going to believe what happened to me today. (pauses and looks at Emily). Uh, mom?

Emily: (oblivious) Oh, hi Honey, how was school?

April: I just told you.

Emily: Oh that’s nice dear.

April: Mom! Would you please stop watching that stupid soap and listen to me for a second?

Emily: (jerked awake) Hmmm, oh sorry honey, it’s just that since we went on vacation I have 6 days of soaps to catch up on. Okay, I’m all ears, what’s up? (turns TV down a bit)

April: Well, like I was saying, school was awful today.

Emily: Why, what happened?

April: Well for starters, that stupid car of mine ran out of gas out by Pantops and I tried to use my cell phone but it wasn’t charged so I had to walk over in the rain to a service station to call for help.

Emily: Why didn’t you call me?

April: I did. No one answered.

Emily: Oh. I never heard the phone.

April: Really? Anyway, so I finally got a hold of John and he came and picked me up but by that time it was already 10:00 and I had missed Carvers test.

Emily: Uh huh (beginning to watch TV again)

April: I can’t believe it, I studied for 4 days for that test and I missed it. So I went in and talked to him afterwards and he refused to let me take it again. This test was 30% of my grade this year.

Emily: Uh huh.

April: I was so ticked that I decided to just go back to my apartment and just forget that this every happened but when I got there I realized that I gave John my apartment key when he volunteered to get my car so I couldn’t get in.

Emily: Uh huh.

April: So then I had to wait for 5 hours outside until John finally came back and do you know what he brought me?

Emily: hmmm?

April: A ticket! Can you believe it? They ticketed my car! John told me to calm down and not worry about it but I couldn’t. And I was so mad that when I put the key in the lock, I broke it! My only key!

Emily: uh huh.

April: So I end up crashing at John’s dorm for 2 hours while his buddies watch some stupid WWF match on TV, screaming like baboons. Well, the lock guy finally calls and I finally get into the apartment with just enough time to change and make practice.

Emily: Uh huh.

April: Mom? Mom are you listening to me?

Emily: Uh huh.

April: Have you heard a word I’ve said?

Emily: Uh huh.

April: (long pause – decides to test Mom) Did you know I also decided to run for Newt Gingrich’s vacant Speaker of the House seat?

Emily: Hmmm?

April: Yeah, and John and I are going to run away and get married tomorrow… and live in the Antarctic… and I’m going to die my hair purple… and we’re gonna raise killer penguins.

Emily: Uh huh.

April: And I’ll never call home and you won’t see me ever again…

Emily: That’s nice dear.

April: (Very frustrated and is about to storm off but looks at her mom with resignation and sits down on the couch next to her...) So who’s that guy?

Emily: Oh, him? That’s Roman.

April: What’s his problem?

Emily: Well, he’s in love with Marlena and knows a secret about Sammi but no one will listen to him.

April: Ah. Join the club.

Emily: (she turns up the volume) And that’s Carrie who thinks she’s in love with Mike but is married to Austin and blah blah blah… (fades out)

(LIGHTS OUT)

END

(c) 1998 Dave Marsh